It took me a long time to realize what I was doing. I still have to remind myself that this is real. I’ll go some months back so that you can understand it...
I used to be a happy person. I wasn’t neither optimistic nor pessimistic, I just lived in the moment with barely any preoccupation. I loved my family, and I thought my life was fulfilling with them and my friends, I just didn’t ask for more. But there was a moment when, those who I had considered my friends stopped supporting me and turned their back to me. That’s when I realized I was being absolutely blind to reality. They had never been my friends, they always treated me depending on their own interest, and that made me see that all my relationships with people couldn't be more ephemeral.
I had to stop following others and find my own personality to start a new life, not an easy thing for a fifteen years-old. Even though it was a hard goal, once I did it, it didn't take me too long to find good friends after I began “being myself”, maybe a couple months, and instead of having a lot of fake friends as I used to have, I began developing fewer but stronger relationships. My relationship with my family became more meaningful and stronger, I lived much more grateful for everything that was happening in my life. I felt like my life started to make sense, as a domino in which the first piece makes the rest fall. All these things encouraged me to study life more deeply, even knowing that those questions might never be answered, but I wasn't afraid anymore; the acknowledgement of the love towards me made me fearless.
This feeling gave me the strength I needed to make the biggest step in my whole life, and being sixteen years-old, I got in that plane that would take me to my destiny, all across the ocean, to the United States of America, with the only certainty of being loved in the opposite part of the Earth. That wasn’t a lot, but it was the time I’ve been most faithful in my whole life. I never believed in any god or in any religion, never had an idol or someone in which I wanted to look like, so it was a feeling I never experienced before.
In this regard, love was the first thing that ever fulfilled my life. I had finally found something to live for, for the first time for my life, and although I still have so many questions about life, now I know what really matters in life.