If there was one place in Stockton I loved more than my own bed, it was the University of the Pacific. I loved that I lived only five short blocks away from UOP. Even though it was a University, I spent most of my high school days there. It was one of the most beautiful places I've ever had the pleasure of exploring. There were trees that reminded me of the classic summer to fall changes one sees in movies. The shrubbery behind the huge white bell tower was arranged in a maze-like formation that everyone loved walking through because of the gorgeous scenery. What I loved most about it was that you could be standing in any given spot on the campus and hundreds of great things could have happened in that same place. On a day when the campus was nearly empty, you could walk around the pool or the dual soccer/softball fields and imagine all of the people that had been there before you. That staircase nearby the movie theater was where I has my first kiss, and it amazes me to think that people could have fallen in love there, realized some obscure question that began a journey to find themselves, or even met someone who changed their life for the better. The stairwell in the center of campus that overshadowed the tiny student store was where many of my group's Spanish videos were filmed, videos that earned A's and reinforced the ideas that we could do whatever we wanted to. It was a center for learning and growing, but it had an impact on anyone who walked through it.
Whenever I begin to think about Pacific, one of the first things about it that I remember is the first time I was introduced to it and how I felt walking around there. I had already lived in Stockton for about eleven years before I actually gave the campus a second glance. I think it was one of those ‘we take advantage of our surroundings when we’ve been in them so long’ situations. A boy that I liked invited me to hang out with him over at UOP, because it was sort of a midpoint in between our houses, the day after Thanksgiving in 2008. Most vividly, I remember feeling an immense sense of confusion when I first walked onto the campus, passing the quasi-famous Conservatory. I had no idea where I was going and all of my surroundings were extravagant, yet unfamiliar and overwhelming at the same time. He showed me around and helped me find my way; we held hands and I felt my first real crush. The first memory I have of this place was so great that it set the platform for countless other determining moments to happen to me there.
That first time walking around there made me feel like it was a safe place; a place that I could go to whenever I wanted to blow off some steam or get away from the outside world. For instance, my parents and I didn’t get along very well in 2009, so I would go on walks for hours on end waiting for them to cool down. Where did I go that I could spend hours at in Stockton? UOP. I’d take my iPod and a book that I was reading at the time and I’d just sit. On the giant steps by the soccer field, the black metal benches by the pond that I once got pushed into, even on the grass where the monthly Native American Pow Wows my step-mom and I liked to go to were at. Almost every inch of that place felt like a safe haven. Just by being there and being beautiful and comforting, it made itself a place in my heart. A home away from home. It was one of the only places in Stockton you could go to and forget about all the bad around you. It immersed you with a calming feeling that you never wanted to let go of.
It was amazing. I had no connection to this place other than a Youth Advisory Board meeting that would occur weekly on the campus and the fact that I resided in an area so close to it. It blew my mind that being in a place you have so little of a connection with could ultimately build onto, or even change, who you are. I didn't attend the University, I didn't research my high school papers in it's library, I didn't make use of the professors who dedicated unthinkable hours of their time there; I simply wandered around, sometimes alone, and other times with friends or people I held very dear to me. It was a center of hope for myself during some of the most trying times of my life so far. In the chimes that rang out from the Burns bell tower every single day there were subtle reminders that almost anything was possible. That's what made me grow to love this place that was surrounded by a city filled with self-doubt and negativity. If something that beautiful and impactful can thrive in the midst of apprehension and uncertainty, I would be able to do so as well. Even if these seem unlikely and improbable, it's what I cherish so much about just being on that campus. My belief in this single place keeps my hope alive.