Sheila Collier-Vita
May 31, 2012
The Most Difficult Time in My Life and How I Changed
My name is Sheila, and I am currently a 35 year old college student who is trying desperately to make something remarkable out of her life. I was raised in a Christian home with good morals and family values, graduated high school, and got married in 95'. No thanks to my sister who, at the age of 21, she introduced me to street drugs and I immediately became hooked. It became my new husband and quickly replaced my current one. My husband quickly fell out of love with me and my new lifestyle. In 1998 I ended up divorced, homeless, and on a long road of mental anguish and major depression. Over the years I was sober off and on, single and not, then ended up pregnant with my first son. His father wasn't around much seeing how he was a child molester I would not let him near his son. It was hard on me not having a father figure for my son and the demands of single parenthood really took a toll on me. So I once again found my comfort in drugs. It eventually led up to the removal of my son by Child Protective Services and to the termination of my parental rights at 8 months of age.
In 2002 I met a guy who totally changed my world. I had never met anyone quite like him who still practiced chivalry and had manners in a really long time. We immediately hit if off, quit our current jobs, and got a job where we could work together in the storage business. Then a couple of months later I found out I was pregnant again. I thought for sure this time I could change for the better and make this work. Shortly after having my second son and Todd becoming unemployed while I was on maternity leave left real high demands of me when I returned back to work. I soon began using again just to keep up with it all.
We left the storage business when I found out I was pregnant with baby number three because I just could no handle the stress of the job, wifely duties, and being mommy. By this time I was really hooked on meth but cleaned up once I knew she was on the way. So we moved down south to have her in a quiet Podunk town and one day Jacob decided to run away while I was in the kitchen and I did not here him unlock the locks and leave. The police escorted him home a few minutes later then a week after that Child Protective Services is at my door again. They removed the children for neglect and gave me the opportunity to clean my act up. Which I did and we got the kids back and moved north. Jacob had a real issue with escaping from us when we were asleep, awake, it didn't matter he was Houdini.
Shortly thereafter Child Protective Services was called on me again for spanking Jacob and supposedly leaving them home alone which I never did. I had lost all hope of getting them back because this time I was far gone on crack. I couldn't stop for nothing. And it showed in my test results. What came next was the real shocker. I had been charged with a theft felony for pawning my mother in laws jewelry and ended up going to S.A.F.P.F. to serve my sentence in a drug rehab prison environment. But prior to leaving I made the most difficult decision in my life. I had to think about my kids future and what I was able to offer them at that moment. So Child Protective Services pushed for me to voluntarily relinquish my rights as a parent for the sake of the children. And I did. I was in jail 3 days coming off drugs when I had family court and they coerced me into signing over my rights. I cried the whole time there and when I returned to my cell that day. Realizing the mistake I made I so wanted to reverse what I had done but my attorney informed me it was too late and past the 14 day grace period to reverse my decision. I was devastated. I felt empty, and alone inside like the whole world was against me at that point.
I then decided that this is not who I was and that I could overcome this disease of addiction. If not for my kids then for me. I knew in my heart I was not as bad as CPS made me out to be and that I could change for the better. As I sat in prison regretting what I had done and how I could not change the past, I came to the realization all I could do was look forward to the future and how to make it a better one. I love my kids and I did not want to let them go, but at that moment in the courtroom, I thought of them and what would be best for them while I got my act together. I had to get better for all of us.
So while at S.A.F.P.F. I focused on me and how to get myself together for there was soon to be none of me left at he rate I was going. And I was going nowhere way too fast. I successfully completed the program, left the halfway house and returned home to my husband who has been by my side this whole time. Currently we are still working things out, are trying to get in contact with the kids, and I am making a better future for myself and for them when they decide they are ready to come home. The past is the past but the future is whatever you want it to be and it's going to be nothing but good times now and clean fun.