It is not until I am raised with a questioning of my existence, that I am able to examine the lexicon within me. The initial thought in definition of oneself seems to be of color, differentiating the ideas and person as a whole to that of the other race. The distinction between white and black seem to be of great significance. When we look deep into the dominant discourse of the two, we see that there is no mention of the other races that also make up the world, considering people of the Asian descent, Indian descent, etc. We simply are aware of the defiance of color, when it comes to defining ourselves and one another. Although I feel my color the most, when I am of outside my race, I am able to reason with myself that I am not defined by my color, but by my intelligence.
The Great Inventor of Life, the one responsible for our existence, put an assimilation of items in each individual bag. He has chosen to create a bag of miscellaneous items, perfectly defining myself, not by color, but by the aspects assembling to make the person I am. I am not defined by color. I am an intelligent individual that can sometimes feel a cowardice to letting others know this side of me.
Me and my bag are defined. My bag is limpid, being easy for others to see my assimilating items. I do not and will not make an attempt in the effort to keep its contents incognito. The defined items in my bag include my efforts, knowledge and inspiring literature that motivate myself not to forget about the past, but also not to let it affect my thoughts and actions, as it can for many of my color.
The knowledge that I have gained has allowed me to make something better of my known race. I somehow feel the need to show the world that I am far more intelligent than others of the African American race. African Americans should not be defined by their lack of intelligence. Some of the people of today, have classified African Americans by their lack of knowledge that they had, as a result of their restriction to reading and learning as people of the "non-colored " race did. Having been stereotyped for so long, many colored people may find it easy to lose faith in their determination, and therefore success.
Although I keep my ambitions and abilities in mind, I think of all aspects reprimanding myself of advancing. I find myself hesitant in letting my intelligence define me, when I am surrounded by people outside of my race. When in a class abundantly "non-colored", I for a split second think that I am no good with any thoughts I formulate in my mind. Everything I want to say suddenly seems non-intelligent, and I feel a sense of doubt in myself as a whole. These people do not know of me enough, to feel that I am any less than them. I have just as much a right to share my thoughts as they do. I should not feel that they are of any threat to me. It takes a lot of reminding myself of my worth, to come back to my senses and make a statement for myself.
The color white is the assimilation of colors, while black is merely the absence of color. This simple statement can be compared to many of the assumed ideas of our past, towards African Americans, often referred to as "blacks". All races outside of the African American race, have been associated with the term "white", while African Americans have been downgraded to a separate world living amongst themselves. Another aspect can be compared to the analogy of the binary opposition of black and white. Whites are seen as bright, intelligent, and clean , bringing out the opposition of the darkness, knowledge-lacking, defiling connotation of the black race.
This self-examination of myself defined, allows me to see myself, and others as more than a color. It has allowed me to see all that of knowing the common stereotypes of a person, as opposed to knowing a person really for what they are defined. I am aware of who I am and will let that guide my actions. Life is a waste of living, if the purpose of my existence, for which I am truly defined, is unknown.