As I walk in my room with that aching feeling in my heart, I wonder what my parents are going to yell at me this time. As I slam the door to my room and slump myself on my bed, I wish I was a different person. I know that I have disappointed my parents yet again. I would rather not hear their voices because, the words that they say will always haunt me. My mom walks in my room crying, questioning where she went wrong raising me, and that I have gotten to the point where she can not forgive me. The last thing she tells me is that I have broken her heart. Her telling me those words broke my heart. I do not know what to tell her because I know sorry won’t mean anything to her at this point. That is when I realized I needed to change something in my life.
At night as I lay in my bed wishing I could fall asleep, I have a plethora of thoughts running through my mind. “Why do I do some of the things that I do? How will I ever make it up to my parents?” In bed for three long hours, I realize that all my thoughts were never going to go away unless I did something about them. Since I knew crying was getting me nowhere, and I knew my parents did not want to see my face, I contemplated on what to do. I turned on the lights to my bedroom, picked up a spiral and pen from my dresser, and started writing down every crazy mad thought that was running through my mind, in hopes that once they are written on paper, I would never have to remember them again.
Once I finished writing out everything, I instantly felt better. For the next few weeks that spiral was my best friend, and from then on out, every time I needed to let uncomfortable feelings out, I wrote them. It was a changing point in my life. One day, instead of writing out what I felt, I wrote a list to myself naming all the positive and negative things in my life. Unfortunately, my negative list was longer so, I decided to quit doing all the unnecessary negatives completely. Ever since then my parents and I get along a lot better, and I am a lot happier when I wake up in the mornings compared to before.
Expressing my feelings through journaling has shown me the light through the darkness. I can not thank God enough for helping me through that night and introducing that spiral and pen to me. It makes me only wish I had discovered it sooner to spare my parents and I the suffering we had already gone through. “A pen and paper can do a lot for a person.” If someone would have told me that before that one night, I would have laughed, but now thanks to that, all I can do is smile and laugh.