EXCLUDED: Stephanie’s Story
By Angelica Stephanie Morales
“I am lost; we are lost.
Outcasts: we set ourselves up for exclusion.”[/center]
At another time I would have disagreed with this, that was until I witnessed it through someone else’s eyes…
I’ll start off with the girl who was always too caught up in her work and never had time for “fun”; for privacy sake we will call her Stephanie. This girl, Stephanie, went to school at Julesburg High School (JHS) and had always thought that everyone that went there was at least humane and somewhat friendly; in reality they weren’t the nicest of people. Although Stephanie got good grades, she wasn’t exactly always on the happy side; she was at times very lonely. Stephanie did however, try and make time to help out her classmates with whatever problems they had in school; I mean problems as in literal problems like in math or science. Never once did she turn them down; she was always willing to help out a classmate even if it meant giving up some of her own time. This however, was the only time classmates would even go looking for her. Her classmates excluded her from many other things such as movie nights or even prom dress shopping trips. Stephanie was too caught up in her schoolwork to even bother to try and “fit in” with her classmates, but deep down this really bothered her. She didn’t consider herself quite an outcast yet, that was until she went through some major problems of her own. It was then that she finally realized just how it felt to be truly excluded or… an outcast.
Stephanie had been pushed out of the group before, but she let the schoolwork take away the thought of not being socially included. It wasn’t until she felt rejected by school too and unable to do things the way she had before that she finally understood and saw the real sides of people. Stephanie was behind in school due to some major health issues she was going through, she didn’t see this as a problem because she knew she could do it and get through anything on her own… or at least she thought she could. Depending on other people wasn’t really her thing and she wasn’t known to ask for help. Not wanting to “owe” anyone anything, she never bothered asking for help. However, her mind wasn’t quite where it needed to be due to the different medications she was on, so she had no other choice but to ask her fellow classmates for a little help; she at least needed a little encouragement. Many of her classmates had somehow forgotten the many times Stephanie had helped them and how even in the state she was in, continued to help them. Many were too caught up in their own lives to stop and even take a second of their time to even say “hi”. Her classmates would help with an assignment or two and she was grateful for that. Even if it wasn’t much, and even if they responded in a non-willing way, she appreciated the little time they wanted to offer. By far it wasn’t the help she had hoped for, but it opened up her eyes to a reality she had been blinded to before.
First of all, in times of need a person can’t always count on others. It isn’t till a person finds him/herself completely alone that he/she sees how others feel on a day-to-day basis regardless of the circumstances. Other people are too caught up in their own lives to take a second to care about someone else’s life. Whether people at JHS are too caught up in schoolwork or in sports, they don’t take a moment to think about others. They may think they are helping someone out, but in reality they don’t care quite enough to sincerely help; Stephanie finally realized she had done this as well. Not until she felt excluded and thrown out of the herd, did she see others around her who dealt with that feeling all the time. People are selfish at Julesburg High School; it may not seem so because of the convincing little, “I-really-do-care (but-not-really)”, show they put on to make it look like they are truly sympathetic. “I’m- sorry” wasn’t what Stephanie was looking for; all she wanted was a friend. She wanted someone who truly cared and would actually bother to take the time to help her get back up. It’s sad to see some of the kids that walk the halls without a single person to acknowledge them or even tell them, “I hope you have good day.” It’s even sadder when we as human-being ignore the somber and forlornness of others.
In spite of everything, Stephanie noticed just how desolate some people are at JHS and how others just passed by the loners as if they weren’t even there. No matter who the students may be, no matter how jock-like, nerd-like, or weird-like they are, at one point or another everyone at JHS is an outcast; people don’t take the time to stop and see it written all over their face. It is truly amazing how a simple gesture such as a smile or offering someone a seat in the group can change anyone’s day and can make a person feel whole again. How something as simple as offering a person’s ear to listen to someone or giving him or her a shoulder to lean on can change the way someone views life. A person never gets used to the idea of being out-casted. If people would just stop and give the loners at JHS the time of day, new friendships would be formed. Friendships that would wash away all of the selfishness and bring everyone closer together.
Stephanie hadn’t realized just how self-consumed and at times cruel people at Julesburg High School could be when it came to what she referred to as a wounded “buffalo” in the “herd”; no other buffalo stops to go back and try and help. If a “buffalo” does try to help, it’s just to look back and see whether the wounded “buffalo” will make it or not. Once a “buffalo” sees another “buffalo” down though, it doesn’t bother to go back because it would be risking its own time to keep up with the rest of the herd. Meanwhile, the wounded one staggers and tries to pick itself up; sometimes the “buffalo” is successful, but the process in picking itself up is torturous. Perhaps if just one other “buffalo” would have looked back and gone to give the other one some support or some encouragement, the process of getting back up on its feet might have been a little quicker and less painful.
In Julesburg High School, it’s very sad to say there aren’t many of those “buffalo” that go back and help the one on the ground. Stephanie witnessed the many wounded “buffalo” she had ignored before and it wasn’t until she was one that she noticed those outcasted by the others. Though there are many selfish “buffalo”, there are still those few that go back and are supportive; it’s a shame that they have to be from other “herds”. Stephanie saw the selfishness in every one of her classmates; she was not angry with them. On the contrary, she said she felt sorry for them because she could see that they too felt like outcasts at times, but that they kept it hidden from everyone because they knew that no one would be willing to help. All the years spent together as a “ herd” of classmates and as an entire school, don’t mean anything in moments when people need a lending hand or “hoof”. A person has to suffer first to see the truth behind the “herd” and just how separated everyone is from each other. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be… maybe everyone needs to be an outcast to learn to deal with things on his or her own and not have to depend on anyone for anything. At this school, selfishness has blinded everyone and the students are going to have to take a fall before they too see the wounded ones they’ve left behind. This herd is so caught up in their own little wounds that they don’t look around to see that there are “buffalo” bleeding to death that could use a “herd” to help.
At another time, I would have disagreed with the fact that people set themselves up for exclusion and at one point or another become outcasts. This was until I witnessed it through Stephanie’s eyes and learned about her struggle in JHS. Recently, after chatting with Stephanie, I asked her how she felt about trying to return to her “herd” after the fall she had taken; after truly knowing what it was like to be an and outcast. Stephanie saw that there wasn’t much hope in things being the same again, so she found a new “herd” of friends in another school. The only difference between these “buffalo” and the ones at Julesburg High School was that this new herd stuck together and knew what it was like not being socially accepted; it was a herd with buffalo that weren’t afraid of falling behind. When the “herd” turned back too see the wounded “buffalo” it wasn’t just to see whether the “buffalo” was a goner or not, it was to go back and make sure the “herd” stayed together and that no one was left behind. Stephanie had found a “herd” that helped tend to her wounds and helped her get back on her feet. She had finally found the encouragement and the “hooves” to hold on when things seemed hopeless. Stephanie is doing much better and now looks out for other wounded “buffalo”, making sure that no one has to go through what she went through; she is now the strong leader of a new “herd”.