I crack the book open. The familiar smell of old paper instantly hits my nose; a smell that I've come to cherish and love over the years. I slowly run my hand over the book’s hardcover, feeling it's rough, cloth-like texture against my fingers. As I do this I'm reminded of why it is that I read - why I find it nearly impossible to put a book down even when I'm continuously asked to do so.
At some point in our young lives, we've all been asked the same question: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The response would always be the same. The immigrant would say he wanted to be president, the little boy who can't stand the sight of blood would tell you “A doctor” and the girl whose grown up in an apartment complex her whole life would widely smile as she tells you she would be a princess. Frequently the adult who asked the question would kindly smile at those kids as he/she tells them, "You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it", even though deep down they know it would never happen. Whenever I was asked this question I would say, “ I want to be just like my American friends.” I would get the same fake smile and response as every other kid, except the difference between those kids and myself was that deep down I knew I would never be like my friends; because I am and will always be the Haitian girl with an overly strict family.
Growing up, I wasn't able to participate in many of the activities that the neighborhood kids participated in. My family was the type to blow everything out of proportion. I wasn’t allowed to play anywhere else but my front and backyard because they feared I would get kidnapped. I wasn't able to stay outside past six p.m, because “dangerous things could occur in the dark”, as they would say. And my personal favorite: under no circumstances could I spend the night at anyone outside my family’s house because again, as they would say, “things happen to girls.”
I never realized how much these rules affected me until I once overheard two of my friends talking. The conversation was about how much fun they had at one of their previous sleepovers. I remembered it like it was yesterday: It was one of those overly hot summer days where a simple hand held fan wouldn’t do you justice. In search for a way to keep cool, I spotted a nearby tree and decided to lay under it for a while. As I made my way over to the tree, I heard two familiar giggles. Curiously, I followed the voices, of which turned out to be my friends laying in the grass of my yard as they looked up to the sky. Before they could acknowledge my presence, I heard my name and froze.
“Yeah, it was definitely the best sleepover ever," one said.
"Too bad Catherine wasn't there." replied the other.
I didn't want to hear anymore. That was enough to make me realize that I would never have the freedom that they possessed. So I did the only thing I could. I ran back to my house, into my room, and cried. All the emotions I had kept bottled up inside were finally coming out and all over my pillow. I cried for what seemed like hours and would have continued, but I stopped when I felt what seemed to be a thousand bricks being thrown inside my head one after the other. I knew what girls did at sleepovers from the movies, but I never thought anything of it until that day. It wasn’t until then that I wished I knew what it felt like to stuff your face with junk food until you nearly puked, stay up past midnight talking about cute boys, or sing at the top of your lungs as you and your friends pretend your living room is a giant stage.
For the summer of my seventh grade year, we were assigned to read The Giver. Lois Lowry’s idea of a utopian society was the first book I read that had a lasting impact. As I read, I viewed the world through Jonas’s (the protagonist) eyes and learned what it was like to to live in a world where every aspect of your life was carefully planned. I would ask my parents numerous questions day after day. Never in my young life had a book made me think that way, and it was a big step from the usual Dr. Seuss and E. B. White. That one book was all it took- after that day i discovered that reading was the only thing that made me truly happy. When I read, I was oblivious to my surroundings; I became who the author portrayed. I learned to cope with the fact that my family would always be strict and began to read about things that they would never allow me to do. I went to countless sleepovers , travelled the world in 80 days, and explored New York City on my own as Holden Caulfield.
It wasn't until later in life that I realized that the adults who would tell those kids they could be who they wanted to be, werent exactly lying. I know this because through books, I became what I never thought I would. Just like my American friends.