Two years may seem like forever, when you're with just one person. You're "exclusive". And while the first few months, you're eagerly clasping eachother's sweaty hands, this fades. You have become the couple that is voted "Most Likely to Get Married". We know eachother so well; we share secret smiles during Trig, and I can always tell the exact thoughts that are being cupped in the back of his mind at any given moment.
Prom is coming just around the corner. As I try on the slinky dresses, in a glittering rainbow of shades, I look in the mirror. Examining my features, the good and the bad, I realize something. I will have the perfect dress and the perfect hair, but my prom date is lacking.
He will wear a tuxedo, exactly the one I tell him to wear. And he will take me to the exact restaurant that I ask him to, and he will order my favorite meal, which he knows so well. And then, as expected, he will take me to my favorite ice cream parlor, I'll pretend not to want any, but he knows. So I'll go to the bathroom, and when I return, the sugary, dripping mess will be waiting for me. How do I know this? It happens once a week, every Saturday, on our date.
Despite the immense guilt I feel for resenting my boyfriends predictable ways, I am hungering for something raw, and real. The explicit passion that comes with new love, and the hint of danger that makes every kiss so much more tantalizing. I find myself gazing wistfully at every couple who reminds me of us, or at least, how we used to be. The uncertainty is gone, and our relationship is utterly listless. Did it take an occassion such as prom to realize this?
The air was thick and heavy with deception, as I reassured him it was only temporary. I forced a few "break up" tears, but I really had no emotion. And although I had thought he would also be relieved, my hope was unconfirmed as I saw a single, plump bead of sweat trickle down his forehead. He always sweats when he's upset.
I will go to prom. I'll have the perfect hair, the perfect dress, and I'll see him across the gym, quietly slipping his arm around his date, only to apease me. And I will do the same. Then we will subtley share one of those heart-wrenching secret smiles, because we both know exactly what the other one is thinking.